Found these gems that I just had to share with you good people from around the world, hope you enjoy.
PETER KAY THEORIES
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess'
on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for
a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I
stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I
can't get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my
step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds
of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said -
'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and
it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably
why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have
a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said
'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'
9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why
are they made out of meat?
10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
and finally, for now anyway.....
11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
More wisdom from the great man next week........