Sunday, May 21, 2006

foundation for global power

Dubai’s building frenzy lays foundation for global power

The Gulf emirate is spending £140bn to transform itself into a capitalist powerhouse that will be a model for its neighbours.

t will be the oddest housewarming party. David Beckham will compare floor tiles with his new neighbours Simon Cowell and Michael Owen. Victoria Beckham will sip Evian and talk soft furnishings with Liz Hurley. Frankie Dettori and Colin Montgomerie will be trying out the nearby golf course.

People sniggered when Dubai announced it was building the Palm Jumeirah, an island in the shape of a giant palm tree. “Arabs selling sand,” the critics scoffed. Last week the first £4m hacienda-style villas on the Palm were completed and the Beckhams, the first of 70,000 residents, will move in this summer.

The Palm Jumeirah is the centrepiece of the tiny emirate’s attempt to put itself on the map. It will be followed by two other palm islands, 300 artificial islands arranged in the shape of a map of the world, and the world’s tallest building, the 2,300ft Burj Dubai, a hotel, apartment and office complex. And that’s just the beginning.

In recent months Dubai’s movers and sheikhers have announced plans for 40 tax and duty-free micro-cities, a Wall Street-style financial centre, 1m new homes and the world’s biggest airport. Emirates, the national airline, is doubling the size of its fleet, and Dubai-based firms are snapping up ports, land, hotels, and billions of pounds of commercial property.

Interesting article this, click here for the full monty........

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Welcome to the real world....

Welcome to the Weekend

So now we explain to our friends that instead of Thursday being like Saturday, and Friday like Sunday; Thursday is now Firday and Friday is now Saturday, and Saturday is now Sunday; or as Friday is the Holy day is Friday still like Sunday and Saturday well, Saturday just Saturday making Sunday fall before Saturday every week?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Life - plus one month

Another triumph for the UAE Justice system.

"Two prisoners serving life have had a month added to their sentences after getting into a fight.
The Chinese man spilt hot tea on the head of the Saudi man during lunch at the Dubai Central Prison, leading to the brawl.
The Saudi, serving life for drug offences, suffered second-degree burns.
The Chinese man is in prison for kidnap and assault."

Bet they won't do that again.........

Sunday, May 14, 2006

More True Fax

When a woman says she'll be ten minutes - think of a number - double it and then add 10. This is the actual length of time it will take.

"Stewardesses" and "reverberated" are the two longest words - 12 letters each - that can be typed using only the left hand.

If you lock your knee while standing long enough, you will pass out.

There is now a new weapon, so destructive, that it can destroy human life, yet keep buildings's called...a MORTGAGE.

If you unravelled a squirell's intestine it would be long and elastic enough to let you bungee jump off the Victoria Falls.

It's a little known fact that Mariah Carey is allergic to clothes, she can only cover up 15% of her body at any one time or she might die...

If you catch a bee and put it in the freezer for half an hour, and then tie a piece of string round the middle and tie it to your pint glass you will have a little stinging kite that will protect your pint when you go for a slash...

Page 3 girls are immortal. I say this because Nicola T from Croydon won the page 3 idol 3 years ago, yet still remains the 22 year old she was then!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

True Stuff............

Plinth' is the sexiest word a woman can say. Don't believe me? ask one to say it and watch her mouth.

The Matrix is wrong, you don't "only know someone when you fight them", you only know someone when you drink with them. If that leads to fighting, so be it.

Contrary to popular beleif, Stephen Fry doesn't know everything.

There is a lake in Canada called Lake Miniwanka.

Anyone woman who walks along the street with her arms folded (no matter how fit) is going to be a) a fucking bitch b) a crap shag.

People with strawberry blonde hair are just kidding themselves. They are really ginger.

There is a reason the bit between the tits and the the belt is called the waist. You could easily fit another pair of tits in there. Easily.

Woman who claim men are pathetic when ill couldn't be more wrong. Our brains are simply bigger so we feel the illness and pain on a level you could never understand. Our muscles are also bigger so it makes perfect sense that they should ache more and require extra rest and time spent lying in bed.

Gary "corset" Barlow has been banned from eating "New Dairy Milk with Creme Egg filling" until after the Take That tour.

In order to earn extra cash Prince Harry moonlights as a James Hewitt lookalike at corporate functions.

Tina O Brien drank from the holy grail, hence the reason she hasn't aged in the last 8 years.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

More rules of modern life.................

If England win the world cup this summer, people have to remember its just a heavily sponsered sports event and not the return of Admiral Nelson, victory at El Alamain, the climbing of Everest and the return of the British Empire and all the other stuff that British people use to remind themsleves they were once an important nation. It's just sport, so learn to accept this.

Men are useless. Woman can repopulate the earth easily with all the sperm banks around. Men could try to repopulated with eggs... But they don't actually have a fucking clue what they're doing. They'd wank in the test tube, grunting that they've done it.

A Prostitute's vision is based on movement, if you remain perfectly still they won't be able to see you.

With Bebo and MySpace available, things will, eventually, progress to a point where all the members of each system are friends. These meta-friend groups will have nowhere left to turn to sate their desire to make new friends and will, therefore, turn on each other in a phyrric war that will consume all of the Earth's remaining resources. And then they will stop for an hour on Tuesday night, because Lost is on.

Men who are over 35 and still think that rock music can save the world are a serious embarrassment to themselves and their loved ones


While understanding the whole concept of wishing to involve yourself in a sexual atrocity while under the influence of uncle Escobars sherbet may I suggest that water sports are a bad idea? Everytime I take the stuff my piss looks like and flows like golden syrup and smells like Pete Dohertys matress. Stick to shitting its easier to clean up.

People who put posts in the RoML attesting to their heavy, glamourous Kate Moss-esque usage of cocaine, are most definetly liars, and spend the majority of their evenings masturbating to Littlewoods catalogues, and their other evenings thinking about what they're going to post on their blog's (also whilst masturbating).

Science fiction fans, the matrix is just a film, it's not real, we are not at war with the 'machines' and you are not part of the human resistance army or whatever it's called - so get over it.

Jack Bauer does piss, he just does it during the ad breaks like the rest of us so he doesn't miss anything.

If any men out there are considering watching the classic Titanic movie, do bear in mind that it is an emotional film and you may therefore find yourself reaching for the Kleenex. Especially when Kate Winslet gets her spacehoppers out.

Women Drivers; draw the position of the hand brake and gear stick on a post it note, then stick it to the dash board of your car. It will save you, and the rest of the world, time as you look for them when the lights change.

Men: If we 'opened up' to you in a physical sense immediately after realising we are attracted to you, you would either a) think we were total sluts and distance yourselves from our passionate advances, or b) shag us silly and then complain about our lack of intellectual substance! (we can't fucking win, girls). The rule in this case should be: MEN! Have the goddam balls to make the first move and you won't be disappointed!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

phone the Municipality...someone will die!

“Someone is going to die here,” a police source told 7DAYS yesterday after three crashes have occurred at the same broken traffic signal in the last two weeks.

“We (Jebel Ali police) have already sent two letters to the municipality asking them to repair the traffic signal but have not received a response so far,” the police source, who asked to remain anonymous, said.

Bloody glad they are taking it so seriously................

Monday, May 08, 2006

Peter Kay's Universal Truths....

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law to have a fire in your back garden.

8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

10) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

15) You never ever run out of salt.

16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head
stuck in something.

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Imagine This

Imagine This is an audio mash up of GW Bush singing the John Lennon classic "imagine", it has been a worldwide hit and has made it into (John Peel's) BBC Radio 1 Music Festive 50 on UK Radio 1.

The audio was produced by Waxaudio, John Callaghan created a video for it by tracking down over 40 separate video clips from George Bush speeches, he lip synched these clips to the audio and interspersed them with footage from the original imagine Video, along with some Iraq war footage and some other bits and pieces. This creates a powerful and moving, yet humorous visual accompaniment to the track.

Big up to John.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Peter Kay's questions..

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when
you get undressed?

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it
all the way down to the core of the earth

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without
wiggling your backside

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the
first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an

6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you here is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of
the window?