Peter Kay's Universal Truths....

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law to have a fire in your back garden.

8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

10) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

15) You never ever run out of salt.

16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head
stuck in something.

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.